aye. my comp's back! so happpppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy. hahhahah.

sniff.

I MISS YOU.

come back soon.

so annoyed. as always yea? haha. this time round, it is with my comp! it stinks. no kidding. anyhow. felt bad for dcing and having to leave Jaz in the lurch. not that he wants me to be online or what, but i just want to be online on this friday, able to talk to him without having to think about studies and whatsoever. Anyhow,he's away cooking. hahaha. so cute can! if he sees this entry, he's gonna say i am silly. cos i took a cab down to my Aunt's place to use the comp and talk to him. hahaha. i can just imaging him shaking his head. LALALA.anyhow. here i am!! My cousin just got a damn cute chihuahua! SO SMALLLLLLL!! 2nd cutest lil thing alive. no.1's my baby. and it's called di-di. so weird right. and i swear Coco's (1st chihuahua in the family) jealous. hahahaha. waiting for Jaz to come back from cooking. he's probably gonna take forever. never mind. if there's something i've learnt, patience is a virtue. And i just cant find the calling card that i bought! rarrrr!!  

you are all i ever ask for.

i am friggin annoyed/irritated. today has been such a tiring day and the night just did not end right. yes i have been complaining that i am tired but i really AM! grrrr. played softball during P.E which got me a lil too exhausted considering that i am already drained. After that, went for 'The Caretaker' play at Substation which was also a rush-rush as we were nearly late. argh. the play was nice just that it was way too draggyyyyy. i was like close to dozing off into dreamland. play ended late. like about 945pm and it just has to rain. my baby msged me and i thought i better rush home to talk to him. and guess what. i had to brave the rain and waited like a fool for a friigin cab. like always, just when i needed one, there was NONE in bloody sight. fishhhh. damn cold under the rain k! and then, i decided to call for cab and GUESS WHOT! all the cab companies seem to be real busy huh. wth. settled for the train (desperate) and by the time i reach home, i think my baby's off to sleep. (by galvin) grrr. how annoying yea!

SIGHEST. i miss Jaz alot alot. just feel so empty now laaaaa. have not talked to him for like two days?! he's probably having sweet dreams now and i wonder if i am in them. hmmmmmm. bad thursday. -sniff-

and i can't sleep.

fourth day into the week and i am already so drained.

try reading 'The Timetraveler's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. brillant book. enough said. go read it.

 

 

 

If i can time travel, i'll travel to where YOU are.

 

 

HEY LOVE, WHERE ARE YOU?

Me and Streetlights

rows of streetlights,
lined up neatly,
alongside ME.

Head bowed,
shoulders hunched,
the journey of a long walk home.

For i am only accompanied by
my own lil shadow,
in which i find security in
having a companion home.

everyday,
that road seems longer,
the area around greyer,
the walks home tiresome.

For i no longer want to walk those streets-alone.




someday, you'll walk me home-
hand in hand.

life's so routined lately. number 1 on my agenda is to mug. man. i seriously need sleeeep. eeks!
and i seriously have been meglecting people. rarrr!

HELLO LOVE.

woke up this early morning,

a seemingly ordinary Sunday,

Yet a whole new meaning to mark the end of the week.

 

muttered an almost silent "good morning",

and cursed under my breath,

to a YOU that's so far away,

hoping that maybe somehow you'll hear that lil wish and start your morning

right.

 

i had a dream of you and me,

we were happy in the dream.

And i know that i am happy now,

cos you have entered into this new chapter of my life

-called chapter 1.

 

so like a brand new novel,

sitting on a table,

waiting to be read.

it will be untouched,

for it's meaningless to read such a story alone.

 

for now,

it will stay on that table,

let days and nights go by,

and dust settles,

till we read this wonderful story- together.

 

 

counting down the days.

 

 

saying i am happy is just an under-statement. =D

i am totally on cloud nine.
i am totally into YOU.

the same me.
the new us.


And i love you today.

AND HE'S STILL VERY FAR AWAY.


Day i-lost-track: trying to mug. thinking about Mr J.

Never Gonna Leave Your Side
Daniel Bedingfield

I feel like a song without the words
A man without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
cos you are the one

I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child that lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And every day's the same
since you've gone away

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday
yeah

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
cos when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home

They tell me that a man can lose his mind
Living in the pain
The call in times gone by
The crying in the rain
You know I've wasted half the time
And I'm on my knees again
'till you come to me
yeah

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
and I miss you everyday
yeah

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
I lay my head against your heart
I know I'm home
I know I'm home
I know I'm home

and I'm never gonna leave your side
and I'm never gonna leave your side again
still holding on girl
I won't let you go
cos when I'm lying in your arms
I know I'm home



i am not gonna leave your side- if ever i am to be by your side.

it's funny how it is always the little thing in life that makes one contented. life, by itself is funny, an ambiguity. and i suppose it'll be fair to say that maybe unlike poles do attract afterall. let us hope that this saying stands.

at a time like this, i will not falter. earlier this week, i felt a pang of uncertainty. like not knowing where to go from here, what i want or even who i am. i wallowed in self-pity for a moment when i got back my dreadful results. but thing is, i realised that I CAN if i set my mind on the goals i want. and i have and i can. all thanks to the book 'How to stay happy'. brillant. new perspective to life. WOAH.

i may not be a whiz like Einstein, nor a beauty like Paris Hilton, not even a millionaire like Bill Gates. but i am ME. the emotionalist, the average girl, your college kid. but so what? everyone needs someone to play that role of an emotionalist, someone to be the average girl so that others stand out, or even someone to be the bad guy to make the good ones look good. like i said, life's funny and i am thankful for the way i am today.



so i take time off today
to thank the people who have in a way or so
made me less ordinary, more beautiful,
less average.

sometimes, it is your character that says everything. not the looks. Beauty is only skin deep.

AND I DON'T FEEL GOOD. AIN'T GONNA CARE A SHAT ABOUT YOU.

DAY 4: NOT MUGGING.

SORRY.
for the words that i can't say,
for the hugs and kisses that i can't give,
for the presence that is never there.
SORRY.
for that you are my friend,
for the friendship we had,
for i just want to remain as friends.
SORRY.
for my heart's taken,
for he's a stranger,
for i have chosen him over anyone else. Even you.
SORRY.
for i have hurt your soul,
for breaking your heart,
for the pain you are in now.
SORRY.
for making you cry,
for not saying anything else,
for i am just too sorry.



SORRY.

And he's just so far away.

i read a book today during my break from studying. pretty interesting book which deals with pressure and yada-yada. there was a line in there which says:" be miserable- if that makes you happy." think it makes alot of sense. i mean, if that's the way you are, then rock on man. who cares what others say as long as you feel good. reading the book has enlightened me TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. brillant but i shant reveal the title cos its darn cheesy. you'll laugh at me.

that boy of mine is away. so annoying. i hate it when i miss him. one thing is that he's already so far away yet he still wants to be busy all the time. grrr. hahaa. and yes, keep guessing cos you wont ever know who he is. AND YES, he's real. lol. i dont wanna disclose much about him without his permission LA.

and i have to apologise to those whom i had blew my top on. i mean, i just dont want to have any other obligations when i feel that i am emotionally attached to someone else. it ain't the way i handle things.


and i just want to be plain jane today.

yes laugh. i was late for school today and i had to be 1) under the bloody rain 2) run around the school hall as part of the punishment. damn those thousand pairs of eyes staring. i don't care. i was down on my luck. first time late and i got HELL. damn you. hmpf. yes laugh. go on! grrrrr.

so much confessions within these few days. too fast-paced for me yea? i don't wanna know much. i just want to know how i feel for a particular someone and that's it. don't come telling me about your feelings. i don't wanna know. i am horrible and that's it. if there's anything i can say to all of you, don't make me change my heart. don't tell my anything. my heart's taken- by a stranger.

yes. GALVIN AND SIMON, quit teasing! hahahhaa.


and i still think about you tonight-now.

thanks to Roy for the countdown timer. haha.

48 days to prelims and 109 days to As.

i can't do without your presence.
not today. not anyday.

i have to get you out of my routine.
come back someday.
i'll be waiting.
till that day comes, i will be praying.

you have not been missed. =(

i think i shall go on a diet. not that i think that i am fat, but someone just has to comment that i look plump?! do I?! grrrrr.

day 1: mugging.

just got back awhile ago. supra-tired! but it was damn fun! hahaha. laughed and ate alot. boy i miss my mates. =) anyway we went for bbq steamboat at marina area. kinda crowded and the food was pretty alright. something funny happened!! halfway thru our cursingswearingtryingtoeat, this guy came up to my table and said:

guy in black: may i take picture?
me: HUH? OK. (i thought he meant for me to take pictures for his group)
-noone moved-
guy in black: (repeated question) may i take picture with you? -looked at my friends-
guy in black: it's fine with you girls right?
me: HUH?!!?!? -asked friends what's going on-
me: you want to take pictures with me?! ME?
guy in black: yea. if you don't mind.

hahaha. thing is, of cos i mind!!! but it was very weird. the whole incident was like HUH?! seriously have no idea what was going on and of cos, my friends so did not help me along. grrrr.
anyway that is how i made a new friend+ teasing from my friends. -_- pretty nice person from the army. hahah. i just have to say that.

after dinner, we went to play on the swings! DARN FUN. it's been such a loooooong time since i last sat on one. singapore's playgrounds do not usually have swings anymore! so sad. but anyhow, we had more giggles and bitching.

went cafe cartel after that. pretty late already. yet being the food-lovers, we settled down for some ice-cream. crowded and so we were seated at the open-air area. loads of smoke. i felt i was dying by the time. ho well. hahaha. i realised that ALOT of people do smoke. hmmmmm.

i wanna go use the phone now! laters.

bam bam bam. =)

TGIF. waiting for time to pass quickly so that i can go for dinner with my mates and head down to a club later. been a loooooooooong while since i catch up with those ladies. shall take loads of pics and have them uploaded asap. yes, i am gonna enjoy this weekend. period. real tired lately. been staying up late for i-dont-know what. damn me. it's time i start cracking on my revision. SOON.

ok. and what's with (some) guys and pick-up lines?! haha. amuses me.

and my nose is itchy. everytime it's itchy, it means i am gonna be down with a cold soon. REALLY!

argh. that boy is still sleeping. i swear his biological clock is darn warped. i have to admit that i do wish that he has plans to come back but somehow i do not have the courage to tell him. hmmmmm. that's me. sigh. let's see how things go la.

i ain't shutting nobody away.
it's just not my style to mislead.
so if you can't find your way,
i can't offer to help anyway.
cos my heart's taken,
but it ain't by you.

school was pretty slacky today. played softball during pe and got my new shoes muddy and all. rarr. but it was fun. nice enough. tomorrow's friday which means short day. prissy's bday and we are going for hmmm... marina steamboat or something. i am close to being broke. HATE IT! damn i have to give baybeats a miss. it's gonna be such a blast!!

now i have to decide what to get for good old pris. flowers maybe? how cheesy.

anyway i hope he comes back for summer. if not, i shall be silly and go look for him.

i don't hear myself anymore.

it's home for the day. ain't feeling that great.

you never know what lies behind those eyes,
behind that face,
behind that broken smile,
of the girl in black.

blues.

so many things have happened but i feel that i ain't gonna be bothered. i have a life of my own to lead and it's time i start living it after 18 years.

people, shat happens, live on.

anyway, i finally have someone in mind. -claps- not that we are together or anything, but it's funny how he entered my life. finally. i am not gonna say that he's the one i have been looking for but he's definitely the one now after searching for so long. there's just something about him and yes, i am happy enough.

i'll wait for him and meanwhile, he shall be my motivation.

YES YOU.

15 Aug 2005: till we meet again.

Secret admirer

Though you can say that we have just met
You are the best friend I ever did net
I feel like I have known you all of my life
Having a friend like you feels so nice


How we grew close I do not know
I have so many feelings I want to show
All the material objects that I may have
Cannot compare to the joy you gave


More precious than pride that is what you are
Thinking of you just makes me smile
Things I enjoy there are a few
Yet nothing beats being next to you


Even if I have to wait long
I am happy to see you safe and sound
Your joy and sorrow I want to share
Just know that I will always be there


Like a prefect ball that is so round
You are the closest thing to heaven that I have found
We would never know what the future would behold
But it is your hand I really want to hold


Call me weird call my blind
Your every word feels my mind
And now that I have said all I have to say
I will have no regrets loving you this way

i am your secret admirer.

My Beautiful Stranger

Even your imperfections seem so perfect.
Are you the one?

i think i am gonna study real hard from tomorrow onwards. this weekend marks the end of fun and the start of hell. thing is, i studied real hard for mids and i get shitty results. Ms lai is going to have tea with me and my mum soon. can't wait huh. ho well.

i have a motivation for A levels.

YOU are my motivation.

baybeats 2004. this is a must catch! brillant bands and all. can't wait. yippeee! i swear they make me wanna be punk rock! =P

and i am a rock chic today.

wohoo! it's friday and school ends extremely early today! ends at 11.45am. tell me this rocks. hahahah. it is also ADAM's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM LOVE. =) so cute.

gonna have pizza later and head to town for spiderman! yipee! laters!

been awhile since i blogged yea? i love going M.I.A. hmmmm. life's boring. results stink! grrrr.

anyway sentosa's gonna be FUN FUN FUN this saturday! they having some 'salt' party. contemplating whether to make a trip there! suppose to go for japanese lunch with mum and her colleagues. grrrr.

sigh. i am sad. nono, that's an understatement.

went swimming with velmy! yipee. hahaha. it was kinda satisfying la. been such a long time since i spent time with that girl. she rocks my world. having 2 parties later in the night. contemplating which one to go. hmmmm. i hate to make decisions! fish.

yipee! exams finally over! you guys have no friggin idea how many i am! hahaha. superb-ly elated! had 2 hours of lit today and it was off to party-zone! went to town with gracie, hui, shoo. loads of fun and laughter of cos! hmmm everyone seems to be in town today. i wonder why. grrrr. tried to look for hui's black dude and flesh imp's cute but to no avail. as usual. hahaha. funny us. went zara and saw loads of nice tops! eyer! i wanna buy leh. whatever la. went borders and omg, so many books i wanna read! i am gonna reread 'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks as it is gonna be screened in the theatres soon! one book that is bound to make you weep. geez.

i shall be nerdy. i shall read and pass my time. gonna spring-clean my room and learn how to cook tmr! can't wait. hahaha. =P

i love myself today.

bro taking a pic of me! eeks! hahaha. 

hello all! i have no been blogging for a real long time and i thought it's time for some real entry. today's thurday, meaning it is 1 day away from the end of exams. lit paper 8 is the morning paper tomorrow and seriously, i have not studied a single thing on them. don't really know how to study for lit. -mutters- after tmr, it's party time! have yet to find out what i should do. let's pop a few champagnes tmr, shall we? lol.

alright, if you guys have been wondering, the papers were REAL TOUGH. ain;t gonna do well at all. but it is not as if i care anymore. i know i did study real hard for this exams and if i do not do well, then that says everything aye? whatever.

watched Windstruck with shoo, hui and Adam the other day. such a tragicomedy show. LOVE IT! it gets people to weep and ponder at the end of the day. for me, i started tearing like oh-you-don't-want-to-know where. silly me. as always, i am your emotionalist. proud to be one. so Kleenex anyone? =P

After Watching the show, it gives me hope that i am probably able to find someone like the leading actor. i want to be able to meet someone in the least expected way and get something sweet out it. i mean they meant in such a weird way and fell in love a weirder way. so cute. perfect relationship i must say. hahaha. the girl cooks and the guy washes the dishes! PERFECT. pretty down-to-earth show. sigh.

i believe he's somewhere out there and yes, i am waiting. so quit asking why i have been single and is still single. ggrrrrr.

oh. and i am ill today. running a fever i think. 37.9. not too sure if that is the normal temperature. ho whatever, i just feel weak and cold. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i am your finest moment.