ig·no·rance :
The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.

strip me of my emotions please.

i wonder how one can actually love so many in one's lifetime. HOW CAN ONE ACTUALLY LOVE SO MANY. Having so many lovers would only credit the smallest portion of what's actually left of that overused heart. Poor heart. Poor lovers. it's disturbing.

i am disturbed. simply by what i found out earlier this evening. breaks my poor lil' heart. Oh my poor heart! pardon the dramatic expression but it is most accurate on how i am feeling right now. i just wanna curl up and cry like there's no tommorrow.

how how how.

HOW.

remember ignorance is bliss k.

i shall pretend i know of no shit.






yay. :~(

it's getting too cold in Sydney.

and did i ever say that i wear shorts to bed?

BRRRRR.

anyway, am currently reading this book called 'Tokyo' by Mo Hayder. cost me only 10 bucks can. omg bargain. and super omg nice book. something like the 'Rape of Nanking'. intriguing and definitely very very gory.

i think i wanna buy more books before i leave.

they look so yummy.

bed time! oh and hey! back next monday! yipppeee!

laksa! dimsum! carrot-cake! sushi! ba chor mee!! blah blah!! here i come!

what i see.

i see you.

influenced by the decomposition of society.
such a young lad with such bright future.
yet such monstrosity by you when you just throw away your future,
and hurt the people you once said you love,
with your egocentric behaviour.

you don't love when you don't think about the hurt you're causing.
we hurt because we love,
young chap.

the whirlpool in my head is like that in his life.
hurting my head, hurting his soul.
this young soul slowly drained away,
by a power so strong.
powers so emotion-less.
he can't win. he can barely start the fight.

so now i see you,
down on your knees.
soft murmurs coming from you, yet with such rhythm.
you're praying to the Lord.
And yet you are praying not for Him to help you win,
but for Him to take away your emotions.




:(

i just want, to be myself.

yet sometimes it feels like i have to grow up overnight. like how every tantrum, mood-swing just makes me look like an immature nineteen year old. we've been through this age thing before and i seriously have no wish to rant on and on about this absolutely senseless age topic.

i'm bored of the tears, frustrations.

i'm nineteen. just leave me alone. i've yet to live my adolescence years. save me the dread of reaching adult-hood please.

picked up guitar lately. just because.

and how she is my virtual arch rival. such a beautiful creation.

AH. what a stark contrast.

it's what i can having a virtual nemesis. how sad.

just because she's perfect.

happy 25.06.05 to everyone. /beams.

felt that rain today. feels kind of weird though. because all the time i've been here, they were just winds and more winds. cold ones.

rain makes me think of Singapore. how funny. AND ironic.

AH.

it will be home sweet home soon.

and i'll miss this four season'd place a tad.

till then.

had my hairdo shoot in this month's Seventeen Mag.

wanna be a kaypo and see how i look in there?

BUY IT.

havent seen it myself cos i am still in freezing Sydney.

tell me about it! haha.

i am angry with Angie oei.

COS.

she did not save nice panties for me. AS PROMISED.

SO. HMPF HMPF HMPF HMPF.

on a heartier note, i've been having so much dominos pizzas that my fats are starting to show. God. flabby arms. GOD!

bored. i wanna go to the beach and be a surfbabe.

a special hello to diana!

for we share a sort of unique obsession.

ah.

this is what i always say:

"love at its ultimate."

AH.

(:

the funniest thing.

i am gonna write illogically and randomly cos that is how my mind works in cold and lonely Sydney.

i guess it doesn't matter what crap i am gonna write here cos he doesn't ever read my blog anymore. not that i think that he used to read it faithfully but at least i know that he used to read them from time to time. not anymore (i think).

so here's freedom to express.

what/how i truly feel.

in cold and lonely Sydney at 1.17am.

As usual, i am not sleeping.

not that i dont want to, but i can't. i rather be sleeping because it feels damn lonely and cold and silent except for his occasional snoring and my tappings against the keyboard. i wonder how's everyone doing at the moment. and i mean Singapore of cos. Somehow i really miss the warmth. from the sun as well as from people around me.

ah i miss mum dad bro. ah.

i watch him sleep everynight. tuck him under the un-washed blankie and check on him from time to time, with pecks on his cheeks now and then. watching him sleep's cute. like he's cute so i suppose everything about him is. ah. i watch his motions all the time. like how he eats, sleeps, works. like a kind of obsession.

obsession's not really bad all the time.

i hate to admit but i love him.

love at it's ultimate that i want sole possession. like even the past matters and how the future is scary, at least for me. i don't wanna lose.

i never ever liked losing.

funny how i love. in the midst of a crowd of freaking 4 million people in Singapore, and 247938720 million on friendster, i found a love.

funny how i love. people i ever walked past or even just a brush. people i ever met in clubs, cafes, schools, malls, you get my point, i found love on the internet.

something so virtual blossomed into reality.

like it was meant to be.

ask me one thing that i think is magical.

ASK ME.

i am not unhappy. just feel very insecure and inadequate and a whole load more.

i wonder if you ever watch me sleep.

see, speaking in fragments. even i am annoying the hell out of myself.

police sirens awhile ago. ah finally, some tinge of noise.



ah.

Jason C. is in bed, snoring away.

and i am feeling right now, some sort of a melancholy mood.

funny mood. Especially at 4am in the cold grey Sydney.

AH.

Cold Grey Sydney.

i miss Sunny tiny Singapore.

AH.

sunshine. and 33 degrees heat.

yea THAT.

i am hungry and cold!