school stinks today. spoilt my friday! grrrr. well maybe i am just growing up. you know, childish acts, mood swings, bloody temper, mouthful swears. i guess it is just the time of the month yea? or am i just seeing too much of other's flaws that i am feeling so fecking pissed, disappointed, irritated with life. sighest. going to TPJC's Mardi Gras later. well there are suppose to be 4 of us going, but guess whot, 2 of them decided not to go cos somthing cropped up. hmmm.. now that sounds familiar. alright alright. i shall stop being so sarcastic but it's true what! i am just so used to those excuses. oh well. life's a bloody bitch. lol. and i rule!

i am your king, mounted at the top!
offend me not!

i am growing up. so please leave me alone.

sitting in the dark room,
my room.
that darkness,
my fears.
loneliness, help! i can't get rid.
the sound of the keyboard,
that is my voice.
i can't speak,
for silence has overpowered me.
seconds, minutes, hours,
the time went by.
time no longer matters,
in this life.
the only light,
illuminating from the screen,
that is my only light,
the light of my life.

shine again for me, for you are my only light.

thank God it's Friday!

phew! haven't been finding the time to blog lately. this is the busiest week EVER! bold please! i had like 2 history tests, 2 more tests to go. 2 more lit presentation coming up! like say halleluia?!

so much to say yet i don't know where to start.

okok, 10 things i wanna desperately do/get:
(not in order of importance please)
1)finish reading Stephen King's 'The Girl who loved Tom Gordon'
2)day at the beach for tanning as well as blading(current fav)
3)pack my room
4)watch America Idol
5)catch a darn movie
6)get a pair of coolie shoes
7)glasses please!
8)study!
9)slack!
10)sleep!! zzzzz....

how about 10 things i have to do:
1)catch tjc's mardigras on fri 27/02
2)celebrate angie's bday aka slumber party
3)pass michael 'moulin rouge' vcd and for movie i think
4)go out with junliang
5)meet up with skater boys
6)odac outing
7)4/6 gathering
8)catch mjc's dance comp on sat
9)study for tests
10)lit presentation (feck)

she msged me on friendster to ask me about some important shit. but somehow, i feel that it is not her. someone else. am i being very paranoid? oh well. maybe i should just msg her and ask her about it. than again, what is it really isn't her. argh. this sucks.

i don't need all of you. i just need you.

i have recurring dreams of that shadow.
that silhouette that seems oh so familiar.
but at that moment,
i could not remember who you are.

i remember being drunk.
trying to follow the white stripes on the road,
and yet i failed to walk in a straight line.
and then i bumped into you.
your cologne, the smell of cigar on your shirt,
so familiar,
but i could not say your name.

we smiled.
now, i remember that smile.
i have seen that ages ago.
and i wonder, "now where have i seen you before."
you offered to walk me home,
you took me by the hand,
and i thought i remembered that touch.
we did not speak,
but somehow we understood.

we strolled on the beach.
i was feeling tipsy from the booze.
you held me,
as if afraid that i wouldl fall.
you whispered into my ears, "don't be afraid cos i am here."
i squirmed and giggled,
and you laughed at my silliness.

i wasn't afraid,
of this stranger.
and i wondered why.
amidst all this silence,
i felt that i have known him,
for a long long time...

then this solidarity stranger just walked away.
on that beach,
his shadow got further and further away.
and it was the moment before i woke,
that i saw your face.
so it was you all along.

i woke up crying.
no idea why.
just this sudden emptiness i feel.
it hurts after so long.
i cried and hugged my bolster,
trying to remember your warmth,
before i finally cry myself to sleep;
hoping to see you once again.

i saw him again today,
and i pray he feel my presence.

so far away,
i saw this shadow.
a silouhette i vaguely remember.
under the dim light,
i saw u.
i draw nearer to you,
but somehow u did not feel me.

butterflies in my stomach.

this silence.
droning silence.
unbearable.
it's like you were so near yet so far.
damn.
now i know what it means.
i saw your figure leave.
moving further and further away from me.
my heart broke.
and i wonder when i'll see you again.

you'll always be my phantom lover.

ok. i am pissed. cause something is farking wrong with MJC. farking assholic managment! i swear i will do something to those farkers one day! hmpf! enough of complaints and everything yea?! it's time u cut the students some slack! so grrrr. i was so angry that i nearly burst into tears in school. hmm like anyone care... fark my life man!

fark u!

school was simply sweet. mondays can be one of the most enjoyable school days, though i had a great fall during pe. hmmm. ouch! not to mention the embarrassment. bruises all over?! ugly! aye. alvin gave me 2 stuffed toy plus a box of chocolates. and did i say he gave me a bouquet of flowers just last fri?! thought he was kinda sweet. hmmm. like i said, some guys can be just too sweet. he's just one of them. though my brother does not have much to say about him, i thought he seems ok to me. well he has been going after me for like a month plus? though he does not really know me. well, he has been trying to get information from my bro's girlfriend. and he asked my bro for a favour?! hmm wonder what that is. and i wonder when his infatuation for me will die down.

sigh.

it makes me wonder why i am still so fussy about guys. are there just none that fits my criteria? i shall ponder about that tonight.

the day you left,
my whole world came crashing.
my heart broke,
for the last time.

the day you came into my life,
i saw love.
though it wasn't love at first sight,
i love you more and more each day.

the first time you cried,
my heart ached.
so badly,
you probably did not realise.

the first time i cried,
you wiped my tear.
your tender touch,
no longer there.

the first time you hug me,
i felt so loved.
i yearn for you,
and i wish you were here with me.

the first time i hug you,
i was afraid.
i wonder,
if you could feel my love.

the first time we kissed,
it was perfect.
and i thought,
i could never love another like you.

now you are gone.
so far away.
so long ago.
i am in pain.

i should be immuned to the pain.
but boy am i not.
God forbid i miss you.
God forbid i love you.

i still live in our story.
my life is still a facade.
under that mask,
i pretend that i got over you.

crying to sleep was never passe.
thinking about you was never tiresome.
loving you was never short-lived,
it's eternity.

i miss everything about you.

you are gone.
so unreachable.
so here i write,
in this moment of sorrow.

i'll be fine one day.
one fine day.
maybe years much later,
you'll find the same glow i once had.

one day.

i wonder when.

please do not be angered.
by my sudden outburst.
i am professing my love
for the last time, you hope.

thanks for the memories,
it lives in me.
thanks for the love,
i believed it was real.

it was a fairytale,
greater than any
it was almost perfect
just that it did not end happily ever after.

mysterious is my name,
cause it is never easy to read me.
it is my strength,
as well as my flaw.
my identity is a mystery.
i have been searching,
for what seems like an eternity.
but up till this point,
if you see a lonesome figure down the street,
it's probably me.
cause i am that mysterious figure,
looming down the empty streets.
Cause i am like,
a mystery for you to unravel.

just got home. tell me i am tired or whot. yawn. spent last night at shu's and boy can i tell u it was hell tiring to wreak some vday ideas. in the end.. we scraped the whole bloody idea. shit us.

went for 3km run at pasir ris park. feeling so damn friggin tired. hahah. thought the run was short though. =) went home to catch some beauty sleep after tt. zzzzz.

had dinner with nicholas. sweet guy we have here. he came to my house and pick me up at 6pm. and i tell you, i thot he looked great. pink shirt and pants. cool! =) serious. like confirm gurantee chop. btw, that's my favourite line for now. yay! lol. went for dinner at wheelock's DOME. great food. great ambience. great wine! hahaha. nicholas was complaining that the wine was too much for him. hmmm. =) i think i can handle my liquor quite well. lol. took cab to ecp which was damn damn crowded. had a good talk with nich. it's been a long time. i thot we do have some common interests afterall. headed back to lido for movie. peeps, please do catch 'cold mountain' if u can! fab show. was freezing in the damn threatre.brrrrrr. i give 4 POPCORNS! lol.

home sweet home.

i love valentine's day!

celebrated friendship week in school today. loads of flowers and chocolates being given to me!! i tell you, i have never ever received so many flowers before. hmmm let me count, 11 bouquets of flowers! tell me my friends rock please! lol. really thankful for them. cos it made my day!!

1 day to Valentine's Day.

"Will you be my valentine?"

anyhow, i just realised that some guys can just be soooo sweet! lol. to saeed: hmm some guys are not tt bastard after all. =)

down with flu. what a sunday. =(

lying in my bed,
hear the clock ticking.
i think of you.
caught up in circles;
confusion;
there's nothing new.
flashbacks,
one lines;
almost left behind.
suitcaes of memories,
time after...
sometimes you picture me;
i'm walking too far ahead;
you said:"go slow."
i fall behind.
the second-hand unwinds.
if you're lost,
if you look,
then you'll find me,
time after time.
if you fall,
i'll catch you.
i'll be waiting.
time after time.

odac training was plain fun. rollerblading course! whot more can i ask for? not to mention the falls and all. hell, it was fun! yayest! no more blades-phobia after a bad fall during the pri school days. =)

went for lunch with odac mates. those were the days. had a plate of mee goreng which i shared with my dearest kentang! he's the best!

beach after lunch! it's been a long time man. and whot's more with bra. we went to THE CLUB and chilled. all the caucasians and all. whot an elite place. i just had to be dressed in pe attire. bOOOOOOoooO! oh well, bra said i look sexy! wheet! that guy just knows how to make my day.

we are gay in every sense. =P

it is just one of the nights whereby you come back home, anticipating the warmth of the room yet all you get is a sense of solitude...

today was one hell of a frenzy. school was a breeze though GP sucked. =P went seoul garden with my class and i am saying this for the 10000th time, i will go on a diet soon! slap myself if i dont! argh! again, lots of balls and meat. hell, i love my class. ice cream was some cheap thrill.

went bugis to look for pressies and a new bag. plan failed. it's ok. i still have the weekend right! contemplation 1: new hair-cut?
oh well. that can wait i guess.

home pretty late cos of all da shopping and bitching and ice cream! and the talk with my friends made me realise something.

i try very hard to play the role of a perfectionist even though i have been through the realisation that life is that imperfect.

i find perfection in the world's imperfections.

i hate thurdays. cause it is one of the longest school day ever! argh!

went for supposed ice-cream with saeed. been a long while since we had ice-cream together. lol. changed my mind as i was too full from milo. in the end, went to tampines to get some valentine's day pressies. i think i make a great valentine with all the ideas! geez. somebody just tell me i rock?! wadi came along awhile later!! been a long time since i went out with him. and i realise, it's been a long time since everyone did anything today. everyone's just too preoccupied with everything. sigh. that's life. get over it.

thought of the day (all thanks to shuyun): do i have high expectations or do i simply ask for too lil from a guy. hmmmm...

i wonder....

my friend mentioned something really true today.
wen hu:" there can be no love-love relationship."
me: "yah. even within ourselves, we are under a love-hate relationship."
doesn't this perfectly makes sense? we are made in such a way that we see perfection in the imperfections. geez. and that is the irony of it all. well life is a contradiction. at least mine is.

i love nuha for her naked bao! i see baos in a different light now.

everyone around me is in some sort of LOVE or OBSESSION. and i just realise that nadia yeo can be sweetest girl around! never judge the book by its cover. Valentine's day is coming. and maybe that is why i am getting so emotional over such things. hmmm. that does not help that someone out there is admiring me. he's not my type. and i realise noone seems to be at the moment. i wonder why. cos it has been a long while since i have been in love. and you know what... i can't wait..

emotionalist is still my name.

emotionalist is my new name.

shopping spree with my mo gu! here's one to ponder. why does junction eight just seem so small lately? we whizzed thru the whole area within like an hour's time?! broke the shopping record. haha. i need to get something for my 2 lil mortals. awww so sweet. i think i'll make a good angel! yipee!

off to town! hoping to have better luck there. planning to get some accessories and a fuggin bag. we gave 'last samurai' a miss after revelation that we were late for the 2.30pm time slot. oh well. shopping comes first! and did i tell ya that we plan to cross dress?! da coolest! 2nd hurrary for da day!

amidst all the frenzy within the malls, it rained. we settled for a cheapo umbrella which looks pretty decent! cheers!

at the end of the day: mo gu got this damn retro top which i thot looks perrrfect on her and as usual, a retro pair of earrings! black and white! perfect! as for me, i got this pair of ethnic earrings and a black top (both chosen by my mo gu). lol. she rocks! we had to rush home and change before heading to elsa's house for steamboat! what a rush!

steamboat was pretty satisfying. had lots of meatballss! went for a walk with mo gu and had this most enriching talk ever. never mind those mosquitoes! we came to this conclusion that elsa's hougang area rocks. majong session up next before heading home.

most fruitful and productive day! happy and satisfying! what more can i say! more gatherings and shoppings to come! =)

flag day today was just horrific! either i was in a real bad mood or everyone else was just some bad-ass today. geez. pissed the hell out of me cos i did not manage to get much from all the supposed generous singaporeans! and u must be wondering why i am so mad. blame it on pms maybe. all da irritants! hmpf!

thank god i had the company of my class (hmm i meant 1/3 of the class). hahaha. my class is so damn bloody small for the 1001th time. took 53 to bishan which seemed lk forever. me and wen hu were just getting cheap thrills out of "xiao ming" joke. classic! that mo gu of mine is pretty weird. geez. as usual. pics in da bus and we spot a stalker! ok. maybe i think too much! did i tell you how cool howard looks in some pics?! well he does.


tmr's my date with my dearest mo gu! gonna look pretty i hope!! yayest!