i swear i am gonna make this week productive.
can't wait for friday. it's party day! let your hair down day!
=)

dad's birthday today!
i love him to bits! =)

it's time for booze and get drunk! (no sex though)
we'll party till the wee hours,
we'll drink till we are dog tired.
we'll tear the house down,
with our hysteria.

being drunk is my only reason to be myself.

been a long long time since i blogged yea? well life has been emotive enough. feeling so darn old lately, seems like i have aged overnight. scary. been doing alot of thinking lately, though i have to admit not all is like productive thinking. watched alot of emotive movies lately, that attributed to all the depressing feeling instilled in me. geez.
Passion of Christ was brillant. such a painful show and i swear i cried like nobody's business in there. tissues were passed around and someone commented that i was making too much noise. like hell i care. it's Him i am crying for. watching the show indeed made me question my faith and of cos, it gave me loads of enlightenment. not that i am gonna embrace Christianity soon or anything like that, it just made me wanna know God more. not a bad way to start after all. =)

The Laramie Project- about the town of Wyoming, Laramie, where a 21 year old gay, Matthew Shepard, was assulted, tied to a fence and left to die. So heart wrenching. how can people just be so heartless? sigh. and what his dad has to say is worth the applause.

Black Hawk Down- war movie. and to think i actually bothered to watch. not a bad show. darn darn gory. been looking at so much blood lately and i swear it's affecting my appetite. but anyhow, all these movies make me wanna stand in front of international tv and call for 'world peace', that is without the crown and bimbotic acts.

another show to watch out for tonight is XxX. tell me i am not torturing myself please.

- So many breakups lately. breaks my heart even more. sigh-

why am i living other people's lives? it's time i live mine. soon.

you made me realise how imperfect i am.

and i thought you are perfect- almost.

flashbacks

depression lingers,
after so long.
but a small talk today,
made me stop and think.
flashbacks.
dated from the first day i was born.
years, months, days, minutes, seconds ago,
facets of my life being presented
like powerpoint sides.
Emotive. Provocative.
Thousands of emotions,
thoughts,
expressions,
some i'll never ever forget.
And i won't.
maybe life wasn't that bad afterall.
Yes, friends came into my life
and left.
Yet one stayed.
Or at least i thought she will
and she did.

And i prayed that very night,
for i thank God for bringing life when i was despair,
for bringing me light through her.
I thank Him for her presence.

i say my prayers tonight.

tueday's joys!

a good enough day today. firstly, it's tuesday. that means school ends at 2.15pm! cheers people. whilst all the sci kids are busying whizzing thru their books, i gained my well earned freedom! i think i am so mean. school had been fun, which was like one of the rare times. and i have to say, i realised that my attention span is so darn short! i was bored during econs and started getting grumpy cos i had nothing to do! i was grumpy last sat cos i had nothing to do during the 4 hours of cip! those itchy fingers of mine needs some twiddling! oh back to econs class, as i was saying, i was so bored till i start swirling on those 'mobile' chairs! and everyone was like "eh! look at feli, i think she's bored! another whispers- "she's such a hype-active kid"
Big deal darlings! lol.
i love my class to BITS!
fuggin funny people. just like me!

highlights of the day!
i did pretty well for history! no more fs man! got a friggin E which means 2 grades up! love myself for this! never thot i could do it! hoho. econs was a total flop but then again, i think i should look on the brighter side! (galvin says that i write too much sad stuff. hmmm...) GP was ok ok though i expected to fail badly! let's await lit tomorrow and if all goes well, a toast to all man!

on a lighter note:
hi, galvin!
here's a note to you as i am suppose to mention about you eh? =) hahaha. this dude is funny! he does not want to look the way he is. tell you something dude. i don't either! oh and i have to say it again, galvin has nerdy glasses and cute hair.

--- it's been a long while since i do something. something real. you know, like just spending time with myself. i guess i have been too caught up with trying to help everyone else that sometimes, i just fail to satisfy myself. now that sounds a lil wrong. hmmm more like i have yet to realise what i want in life. it's like waking up one morning and reality just strike you that your life is way too mundane. not that i need real interesting events to happen but i am sure i do not need shit to happen on me. block tests had been a total boo-boo. and now my name spells failure. geez. i am no longer the loud me, i have become silent. just so angry with myself and everyone else. with Him. for i thot he would be there to help me. but as usual, i guess i was wrong. sighest. i have no idea whot i want anymore. cos what i want does not always happen to me. shit happens and i hate it.

just wish someone will just save me from this whirlpool.
anyone.

facades

search the many faces among the crowd
please find mine.
i bore the saddest face,
the weakest smile.
lead me the way,
for i have come to the point of despair.
tell me life is worth living for.
tell me i am worth living for.
hold my hand.
please lead me the way.
take me away from the crowd.
make me whole.
please do.

love me,
though i have come to the point of despair.

point of despair

i died a 1001 times. let this be the last.