i'm feeling real down. the disappointment for my sucky 'A' level results has just begin to set in. and i just realised that alot of people have done well. well i am happy for them of cos, but just do not understand why i am never them.
And why always the comment that God is fair.
a few moments before the release of results, i was real nervous and close to hyperventilating. friends held my hands and tell me not to worry and someone said this:"there's nothing to worry about. anyway God is fair what. you already got the looks." and i thought to myself:"and so?" i dont think i am ugly but yet not pretty. but point is, why does everyone just wants to think that i dont need anything else except for an ok looking face? it pains me to hear that. because they have never ever thought of the way i feel. everyone thinks that i can buy my way around with looks. to that fren, i replied:"as if i have a choice. i wouldnt have cared less about my looks if i had the wits."how about i wanna look good, and feel good? i need to feel smart.
and someone else said this when i told her i did bady:"you dont even have to worry what. your future is much taken care of already." whot? i hate it when reality is so cruel. like how the principal came up to me and asked for my results and walked away the next moment after i told her. does it mean having scored 3cs makes me any less a good student? and why must i be the one to laugh it off even though i was the one having scored 3cs, sensitive to my own feelings cos noone cares. the line "i'm sorry" is so overplayed. if ya sorry, show me you are.
i am very skeptical about the whole cambridge idea. i have seen people who have done well whole year round having to flop this time round. it's not fair. i think they deserve the grades. and i certainly deserve better than just mere C and still Cs. tell me it's fair. does it mean me not going to church makes me any less a christian even though i believe in the Lord? does it mean that prayers don't count just because i am not a baptised Christian?
tell me where is the blessing in disguise.
i wanna stop thinking and stop pretending. i thought i was ok with my grades but i am not. nothing hurts more than to know that you've failed yourself.
i am sad and it's beyond that.
And why always the comment that God is fair.
a few moments before the release of results, i was real nervous and close to hyperventilating. friends held my hands and tell me not to worry and someone said this:"there's nothing to worry about. anyway God is fair what. you already got the looks." and i thought to myself:"and so?" i dont think i am ugly but yet not pretty. but point is, why does everyone just wants to think that i dont need anything else except for an ok looking face? it pains me to hear that. because they have never ever thought of the way i feel. everyone thinks that i can buy my way around with looks. to that fren, i replied:"as if i have a choice. i wouldnt have cared less about my looks if i had the wits."how about i wanna look good, and feel good? i need to feel smart.
and someone else said this when i told her i did bady:"you dont even have to worry what. your future is much taken care of already." whot? i hate it when reality is so cruel. like how the principal came up to me and asked for my results and walked away the next moment after i told her. does it mean having scored 3cs makes me any less a good student? and why must i be the one to laugh it off even though i was the one having scored 3cs, sensitive to my own feelings cos noone cares. the line "i'm sorry" is so overplayed. if ya sorry, show me you are.
i am very skeptical about the whole cambridge idea. i have seen people who have done well whole year round having to flop this time round. it's not fair. i think they deserve the grades. and i certainly deserve better than just mere C and still Cs. tell me it's fair. does it mean me not going to church makes me any less a christian even though i believe in the Lord? does it mean that prayers don't count just because i am not a baptised Christian?
tell me where is the blessing in disguise.
i wanna stop thinking and stop pretending. i thought i was ok with my grades but i am not. nothing hurts more than to know that you've failed yourself.
i am sad and it's beyond that.
posted by fe fe at
8:50 PM
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