i guess the issue was never about the 5 years gap. 5 years nothing if you're matured. and i am not. therefore, the issue unfortunately lies with me.

2 years already. and i still can't deal with the paranoia blah blah. obviously the issue lies with me.

2 years. i thought i would be able to resist being paranoid, resist being sensitive, resist being protective. but i realise i really can't. i've tried reading, think positive thoughts, exercising, singing, eating, almost everything i can do at the moment but i just can't stop thinking.

see. it's me.

he didn't even do anything wrong. he was just leading the life that he should be leading. and just because i couldn't deal with it doesnt mean he has to give it up.

i am typing all this as if putting it down in words is going to change me. i know it's not going to.

the next time round, the whole emo thing is going to start again.

it's tiring. but it doesn't mean that we don't love.

it simply means that two being together ain't easy and it won't get easier.

sometimes i just wanna curl up and sleep and wake up to find myself someone different. like probably Jennifer Aniston. i really like her. and i think she's really hot.

i am hahaha-ing on msn and feeling emo in my own room. it's tiring. but it doesn't mean i'm unhappy.

i'm just tired of allowing myself to be attacked by emo thoughts. i could push them away, i guess.

i could, i guess.

see. i told you the problem lies with me.